Princess Doom and Gloom feels sorry for herself.

   I am sure you have all had one of those days.  One of those days where you wake up, roll over look out the window into the gray sky, and think - why get up?  And then you go into work and it's chaos all day.  Or at least this is how it feels.  On top of this you get some crazy ass text message from someone you barely know.  Then maybe you leave work and it's snowing.  You decide to throw in the towel and eat some crap fast food burger and fries for dinner.  By this time, you are so disconnected that the bad food tastes really... well... bad.  And you barely hear the political hip hop you are blaring on the drive home.  All you can think to yourself is "What the fuck am I doing?"
   This week I really wanted to write a blog on happiness.  And I actually started a few pieces about the elusive state.  But after a week of just not feeling it, I can't possible sum up the energy to feel anything but what I am feeling.... like a pathetic, broody, freakshow.  I know, I know, it really is pathetic.  So of course my well thought out plan of action for the evening is to listen to doom and gloom filled music while writing.  If I had ice cream or Girl Scout cookies in my house it would be all over.  I would wake up past mid day tomorrow in a pool of ice cream stickiness and covered with cookie crumbs.
   It's an evening when even the thought of baking a pie leaves me near tears.  Really?  Oh great, now a Radiohead song "Reckoner" is playing.  All of the crooning and whining, I can't handle it tonight.  But see, this is what it is to be closeted goth.  Way too much thinking about the big questions.  Way too much intensity hidden away behind silliness.  Don't get me wrong, I have spent many years as a fairly content person.  And quite possibly, I am suffering from the an extended mid-life crisis.  Or perhaps (as my mother suggested), I am beginning to feel the effects of menopause (This freaks me out completely, let me just say.)  Or, dare I say it, both.
   In the end, it's most certainly a combination of things bringing me down.  It may be time for a change. It may be time to start thinking about rolling out the dough as a profession,  It may be time to get serious about the pie.  Forget all of my other worries, all of my other cares and make EYE ON THE PIE a business reality.  This call for a music change.  Bring on the punk rock!  Bring on the pie!!