A Poem For Halloween

All Souls

by Michael Collier

 

A few of us—Hillary Clinton, Vlad Dracula,   

Oprah Winfrey, and Trotsky—peer through   

the kitchen window at a raccoon perched   

outside on a picnic table where it picks

over chips, veggies, olives, and a chunk of pâte.   

Behind us others crowd the hallway, many more

dance in the living room. Trotsky fusses with the bloody   

screwdriver puttied to her forehead.

Hillary Clinton, whose voice is the rumble

of a bowling ball, whose hands are hairy

to the third knuckle, lifts his rubber chin to announce,   

“What a perfect mask it has!” While the Count

whistling through his plastic fangs says, “Oh,   

and a nose like a chef.” Then one by one   

the other masks join in: “Tail of a gambler,”   

“a swashbuckler’s hips,” “feet of a cat burglar.”

Trotsky scratches herself beneath her skirt

and Hillary, whose lederhosen are so tight they form a codpiece,   

wraps his legs around Trotsky’s leg and humps like a dog.   

Dracula and Oprah, the married hosts, hold hands

and then let go. Meanwhile the raccoon squats on   

the gherkins, extracts pimentos from olives, and sniffs   

abandoned cups of beer. A ghoul in the living room   

turns the music up and the house becomes a drum.

The windows buzz. “Who do you love? Who do you love?”   

the singer sings. Our feathered arms, our stockinged legs.   

The intricate paws, the filleting tongue.

We love what we are; we love what we’ve become.

Eye On The Pie

Just a post to let all of my many many blog followers (ha. But thanks to the few that do. I love you).  I am attempting to turn this pie making passion into a little business.  So if you are in Columbus, Ohio or near and in desperate need of a spectacular pie please let me know.  I can be reached at eyeonthepie@gmail.com.

I also now have a facebook page for Eye On The Pie at: Eye On The Pie facebook page. This page gives more details about pie options.  It also includes photos of some of the pies that I have made along the way.  Please come and check it out.  It would also be lovely if you liked the page.  And, feel free to share this page with all of your pie loving friends. 

Thank you for all of your support.  It means a great deal!!

Poetry is for Everyone

Sick
by Shel Silverstein
"I cannot go to school today," Said little Peggy Ann McKay. "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more--that's seventeen, And don't you think my face looks green? My leg is cut--my eyes are blue-- It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke-- My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in, My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb. I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what? What's that? What's that you say? You say today is. . .Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

I am in love with Savory Mini Pies!

 There has been a whole lot of pie experimentation going on lately in my world. I am preparing to prepare to begin my very own pie business. And while this requires some business savvy, planning and organization, it also requires that I have perfected my pie recipes. There is so much pie and so little time.
 One thing is certain, many of my people have been more than happy to be taste testers. This is awesome! For one, I need opinions. Secondly, I DO NOT need whole pies just sitting around my house. One of my pie testers suggested I offer a mid sized savory pie that can serve one or two people. So, amongst other pie making, I have been working on a few savory mini pie ideas.


 The series of pictures below depict the steps in making my third mini( first-green tomato and white cheddar, second-taco, third is chicken chorizo and sweet potato in a red pepper chipotle sauce.

I browned the chorizo.  If it happens to come in links, you will need to take it out of the casings and brown it like you would round beef or pork.  I use chicken chorizo.  I feel better about this and I am able to purchase locally at the farmer's market.

 I tossed sliced sweet potatoes in olive oil, roasted garlic, Cayenne pepper and black pepper.  Put them under the broiler for a bit until they soften and a few get crispy. 

  I used enchilada sauce as a base. Add chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, and red bell pepper and a bit of onion.  Let it simmer on the stove for a bit.  Certainly, one can adjust the level of heat.  Watch out those chipotle peppers are a wee bit spicy

  So now the prep work is done.  What I have found with mini pies is that they work best when the ingredients are layered in the mini pie plate, whatever pie plate you choose.  For this series of little pies, I used some old school Pyrex bakers.  By old school, I mean I literally grew up with them.  They are adorable and a nice size for a 1-2 person mini pie.

  Anyway, I used a cheddar cheese basic pie dough for my top and bottom crusts.  Once the bottom crust was in the pie plate, I layered in sweet potato, chorizo, pepper sauce and cheddar cheese. I repeated it one time.  Put the top crust on.  Made it look pretty.  Then popped the little gem in the oven for 25 minutes. And presto...A mini pie of my very own! Next up Lasagna Pies with Parmesan Herb Crusts. Now that's gonna be off the hook!!

 

My Week In Pie

MONDAY

   My week began with a little preparation for a pie class I was to teach on Wednesday at Williams-Sonoma.  I stopped by the grocery story to pick up a few things that I needed to make Lemon Meringue Pie.  I had never made Lemon Meringue before (believe it or not) so I felt like I should give it a go before I taught it in class.  Who knew Lemon Meringue contained so many eggs?  Watch out cholesterol, here we come!  Anyway, this pie required making the lemon curd ahead, which was a rather daunting task but turned out perfectly.  And, you must also make meringue.  Once again, making meringue was scary.  The instructions said to whip the EGG mixture to glossy peaks.  Glossy peaks... they actually were glossy peaks!  Good show!!  It was eleven o'clock on a school night when I first sat down.

TUESDAY

   Another evening, another pie.  Once again, I was preparing for the pie class at Williams-Sonoma.  This time, the pie in question was Black Bottom Banana Cream.  The most difficult part of this pie was making the vanilla cream portion of the pie.  I have always had a little problem with the creamy portion in cream pies.  Usually, I worry that I am going to overcook the cream, take it off too soon and then it never sets up properly.  This is my M.O.  I had heard from my pie class co-instructor that the cream did not set up (in the pie she had made) so I threw a little extra cornstarch in there for good measure.  It worked!  Yea me!!  What didn't work, however, was the pie dough for the crust.  It was an absolute nightmare!!  I was trying the pie dough recipe that came with the pie filling recipe, not my usual pie dough.  In the end, while I was piecing the pie dough together in the pie plate, I found myself yelling, "THIS is why people are afraid to make pie!" It turned out, although the crust kinda fell apart when sliced. Ah well, pie finished at 10:30.  Time to go to bed.

WEDNESDAY

  So I left job number one, working with pre-kindergarteners all day.  Rushed to Williams-Sonoma to help put together the pies for tasting that must be made ahead.  I prepared the Blueberry Crumble Pie.  This pie had only a bottom crust which I rolled out.  Then put together the crumble topping and the fresh blueberry filling.  I put the whole thing together before class.  We also made the Black Bottom Banana Cream (but as a tart without the whipped cream), and the lemon curd portion of the lemon meringue.  The last pie, an Apple Cherry was to be put together in class.  The class was super fun, if not slightly disorganized.  But, the three participants seemed to learn a lot.  Needless to say the Apple Cherry Pie did not get baked.  Four pies plus pie dough is a hell of a lot to cover in two hours!! Home at 10 pm.

THURSDAY

   I ate pizza pie and one slice of the blueberry crumble pie. 

FRIDAY

   A evening of rest.  No pie. Happy Hour. Gin and Tonic. Black Bean Dip. Salad.

SATURDAY

   I gave a pie lesson to my neighbors, who were excited to learn how to make pie.  And while, the conversation was great, and the beginning seemed promising.  The time came to roll out the dough which we had made.  And... disaster.  It was a bitch to roll out.  Kept falling apart.  I basically had to wish it into the pie plate.  The top crust was a little bit better but kept tearing all over the place.  It, quite possibly, was the ugliest apple pie I have ever seen (damn, forgot to take a photo).  I was mortified.

   After my struggle with pie dough earlier in the week, I felt I needed to redeem myself.  So on Saturday evening, I used the leftover dough (which I had added a little water to and chilled) to make the above mini savory green tomato and cheddar pies.  Ah....sweet success!

SUNDAY

   This week ends with a SWEET Green Tomato Pie.  A Southern pie.  And it really does taste exactly like apple pie.  Amazing.  I have not lost my touch.  And I tried five new pies this week.  All is right in my world of pie!  And that is good